How important has education been to you in your life?
Education is extremely important to me. It is the foundation upon which I have built my life. Without my education, and the experience that it has afforded me, my perspective on life would be very different.
Share your background.
I was born and raised in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. I graduated from Temple University and Penn State University, earning a Bachelor’s Degree in Education. I also hold a Master’s Degree in Education from Rider University. I am a certified Reading Specialist. I am currently teaching first grade.
When you were younger, what was your vision?
When I was younger, I was raised in the church and my religion was important to my family. I was taught right from wrong. I loved children and volunteered in my church nursery and babysat often. I loved the curiosity of children, and I loved to teach them games. I knew I wanted to be a role model for children. Making my parents proud was extremely important to me; I never wanted to disappoint them, and I still don’t. Getting married to someone that would become my best friend was something I valued. I wanted to have someone by my side, celebrating my successes, and to support me through difficult times. Being a mother one day was my dream. The opportunity to love and to raise children was something that I would think about when I watched families together.
Tell us about your story, Reconstructing a Broken Life.
After the tragic death of my 14-month-old son, Bobby, on April 12th, 2014, my world was shattered beyond repair. There is nothing that compares to the loss of a child, and Bobby was a truly perfect child. He was my only son who was always very happy and smiling. There are times in our lives, usually when we are suffering, when we need to ask ourselves a question: Will I define my MOMENT or will my MOMENT define me?
Can you emotionally survive heartbreak and continue to truly live? Or do you stop living and merely exist. The moment my son left this earth, I was confronted with that question. Was this moment going to define me? If that was my choice, I would have existed in a broken life, destined to live the days of my life, devoid of happiness.
My world was flipped upside down and broken into a million pieces. I sat there thinking that I can never put it back together the same way and that my life was never going to be picture perfect.
The million broken pieces of my life started to realign themselves into a new pattern.
The silver lining to this tragedy is that I learned that I could pick up my broken pieces, and arrange them into a picture that I designed. It is at this moment of acceptance that I knew that I could define my moment. I could stand up. I could survive.
What is your vision now?
My “ new vision” came into view quickly after I lost my baby. Suddenly, the things that I thought were problems were trivial. I learned that I needed to be the sound of Bobby’s voice because he could no longer make a sound. I wanted to do good things for others, so their days could be more peaceful. I went into survival mode to get myself from hour to hour,day to day. However, I also wanted to support those that were in survival mode with me. Each one of us had different obstacles to climb.
How important is faith in your life?
My faith is extremely important to me; it is the core of my being.
In the midst of chaos, flashing lights, and sirens, God came to me and wrapped me in love. It sounds crazy, I know. My mind was spinning and my heart felt like it wasn’t beating, but somehow, I could breath in and out.
The role of God changed in my need to HIM: he became my Bobby’s babysitter. HE became the person that I trusted to care for my son until my time was called to be with my son again.
-Guides me on all decisions
What advice do you have for families who have suffered loss?
Don’t be afraid to let your emotions out. Do not be embarrassed that you react in certain ways or cry over what appears to be nothing. This is your race to run… run in any way you need to run it. Run your race like your life depends on it because it does. Survival is really hard work. You have to put in the time to get to the other side of grief… which is survival.
Where do you find comfort?
I find comfort with my family and by helping others. I always cared for and supported my community, before I lost Bobby, to help people in need. After I lost my son, my support for my community was the help I needed to find a path into my life again. My outreach work keeps my mind busy and giving comfort to others, for any reason, brings me comfort, as well.
How has telling your story changed you?
I sometimes look at where I am at this point in my life and it surprises me. I am often asked “Why do I tell my story?” The answer is that I want to share my journey with others to help them. It makes Bobby’s life matter when I can give others life by helping them leave the darkness behind and start to live. I am a totally different woman from before losing Bobby. I have a different perspective of life.
Also, by sharing my story over and over, I help myself continue to accept my heart- wrenching loss. Although it has been seven years, when I wake up in the morning, the pain is fresh. My Bobby is not there to greet me. I accept his loss from my life everyday. Sharing and reaching others allows me to continue with my own life. I know that my son is gone, but I carry his love of life with me as I continue to live.
“There are many people who are broken and who have a silent story in their bright eyes.” What does this mean to you?
The line, “We all have a story, behind our bright eyes,” is about true awareness and understanding. We see a beautiful house when we are passing by, and we think the people inside must be happy and fulfilled because the lawn is manicured and square footage is impressive. We see children in school that are happy all day, and when it is time to leave, they begin to cry. Appearances do not always reflect the reality in which we live. All people have life challenges, some are challenged more than others. There is not a human on this earth who has not been hurt, who has not been damaged or has not been in pain on some level, at some time in their journey.
Tell us about Bobby’s Playground, the REO IV Random Acts of Kindness and Bobby’s Blessings initiative. What are your goals?
In October of 2014, our family partnered with Lower Bucks YMCA to build a community playground affectionately named Bobby’s Playground. Our friends, family, and community came together to build it. It means so much to my family that hundreds of children will be honoring Bobby’s memory with smiles and laughter of their own in the years to come.
The Random Acts of Kindness initiative was created when the cards and gifts started to dwindle away after Bobby’s death, and kind supporters went back to their lives. We wanted to pay forward the goodness that was shared with us. We made Random Acts of Kindness cards available to the community. If a person carried groceries for a person that had more bags than hands and was struggling, we received a card that shares the story. Our family felt Bobby’s love each time we opened the mailbox and saw the bright, cheerful REO card. We knew that this random act of kindness was spread in Bobby’s name. We have had over 500 cards sent to us from all over the United States and even some from other countries. Each card told of an act of kindness, done without reward.
Bobby’s Blessings is our newest initiative. A generous donor wanted my book “Reconstructing a Broken Life” in the hands of those that needed it most. Through my Facebook page, my team mails out a free book to those in need. We also reach out to guidance counselors, grief groups, and recovery houses to generate the names of those that will benefit from reading my book. I am honored that someone read my book and felt moved to create a fund to get my book in the hands of others.
Do you have any additional thoughts?
I hope when people that are in need of help, for any reason, reach out for help. Challenges can be won easier when people have targeted support. I do not want people to be embarrassed because their life is difficult; no one’s life is flawless. We have to continue to live life everyday to the best of our ability, even on the days when we think that task is impossible.
Thank you Jill, for sharing such a heartfelt poignant message. I too have experienced the death of a child and it’s an unspeakable tragedy that defies words.
Thank you for inviting me into your life in such care and intimacy.
Thank you Jules, for constantly rising and introducing us to such extraordinary,nspirational people