Heather Choate is a #1 Bestselling Author, speaker, mother of 8 children and international marriage expert. Having had to fight for her life when she was diagnosed with breast cancer while pregnant at age 29, gave Heather a new perspective on life and marriage. She and her husband had to rely upon a bedrock foundation of trust, support, faith, tenacity and persistence to survive and protect the life of their baby, while keeping their marriage intact. Heather understands the raw, day-to-day struggles couples face and teach people around the world how to build a foundation of unconditional love for themselves and their spouse.
FWM: You are an incredible hero who has survived cancer while pregnant. Share your story.
At age 29, after having five beautiful children, I became happily pregnant with our sixth baby. When I was 10 weeks along, I noticed a lump in my left breast. “Heather, it’s cancer,” my midwife confirmed and not just cancer, aggressive hormone-sensitive cancer that had already spread to my lymph nodes. The hormones that were feeding and nourishing my baby were the same ones feeding and growing the cancer. “You need to abort your baby to save your life,” doctors told me. But I knew in my heart that was not something I could do and I told them, “I’d rather die than take the life of my baby.” My desperate wanting was to save her and myself though many doctors told me I was “risking my life” and “it wouldn’t end well.” I had to listen to that inner part of myself that knew truth and trust it no matter what anyone else said. My husband was 100% with me and I couldn’t have done it without his support and unconditional love.
We were led to find Dr. Virgnia Borges, one of the top breast cancer experts for pregnant women in the world. and after much prayer and consideration, decided to go forward with chemo and surgery during the pregnancy. Our daughter, Kiery Celeste Choate was born healthy and over 8 lbs January 6, 2015. I went through another year and a half of aggressive chemo and radiation and deep mindset clearing and healing. My husband and I had to overcome so much together, and we grew closer through it all. With only a 5% chance of making it to 5 years clear, I am deeply grateful to be healthy and in full remission now. This experience was a powerful gift to help me realize what matters most in life and become a better person.
FWM: Tell us about your book, “Fighting for our Lives.” What is your hope for the book?
After going through this, I knew others were struggling as well and wanted to offer hope that no matter what their challenges are, they too can overcome them. So, in 2016 I published my memoir, Fighting for Our Lives which has touched millions of readers now across the globe.
“I hope to be a light in this world and I’m grateful for all the bright lights in my life.”
FWM: Share a poem from your book.
A poem from the book still brings tears to my eyes because it captures the depth of love I found in my husband even through all the darkness and challenges.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
A Real Love Story
“Good morning, Smoe.”
Smoe short for Smorgeous.
Smorgeous because it rhymes with gorgeous.
Gorgeous.
He thinks I’m gorgeous.
But I look in the mirror and an alien looks back at me.
Pale skin, dark circles under eyes,
Stubby hair shorter than all my boys,
Swollen, pregnant belly.
Lift the bandages,
One breast,
One jagged red scar cutting through wrinkled skin across a flat chest.
Who is this person?
“You are beautiful.”
He kisses the top of my fuzzy head.
Beautiful,
That word does not mean what it did a week ago,
Beautiful.
The curves have morphed, body deformed.
Once smooth skin, soft and pure,
Now running in jagged lines of red.
The curls of last year fallen to the floor and swept away.
Face ashen, lacking the summer sun’s kiss.
No clothing fits.
All the hats itch my head.
I throw my Sunday dresses on the floor
Because they fit a person I’m not anymore.
Smiles and golden hair glare at me from the pictures on the walls of our home,
The fairytale princess, but the lilies of our wedding day have long since faded,
And they’re thrown away.
And he tells me I’m beautiful.
Beautiful.
And it makes me think, through the tears that cloud my eyes,
That word means more now than ever before.
It’s changed.
Just like me.
And now I know just what he meant every time he said it before,
So much more than lipstick and perfume,
So much more than youth and skin.
More than fleeting feelings,
Heightened, but temporary emotions
That are as fleeting as the summer sun.
So many base their love upon these,
But not him.
Even as mutilated as I am, he holds me,
He lets me cry,
He tells me I’m beautiful,
And I believe him
Because love and beauty are more than words or images.
Beauty is carved by years of dedication,
Of selfless, enduring devotion,
And no scalpel can take that away.
And love is more than butterflies and flying on cloud nine,
It’s catching one another as the storms pound
And threaten to plunge us to the ground.
Love is more than emotion.
It’s the steady hand that never lets go
Come rain, or scars, death or pain.
It’s more than a knight in a fairytale.
It’s waking up in a hospital bed, when everything feels like it’s fallen apart,
Looking into his eyes and hearing these words,
“Good morning, Smoe.”
FWM: You are an International marriage Expert, transforming lives through High Thrive Coaching. How are you helping couples to reconnect with their spouse and create a thriving marriage?
Going through cancer and our own marriage struggles, I was driven to help other couples not just survive life together but thrive. We’ve now helped tens-of-thousands of couples around the world save their marriage even when others thought it was impossible. We are the ICU for marriages and have a proven process to help people whose spouses want a divorce, are having an affair or are unwilling to work on the marriage. We focus on solving and healing root issues, not just the symptoms so that couples fall deeply in love again and want to be together for good.
More couples are struggling than ever. COVID and all the stress and challenges are making things even more difficult. But bottom line, is that we aren’t taught HOW to have a happy, healthy relationship. We don’t learn these skills in school and they often aren’t modeled at home or in our culture. But the good news is that they CAN be learned and when you find that root healing for you and your partner, it feels amazing!
FWM: You were quoted, “We believe marriage is the basic foundation of happiness and fulfillment in life and it is worth every effort to preserve, protect, and sustain.” Tell us about your proven step-by-step system for couples.
Our method for helping couples is radically different from therapy or traditional marriage counseling. After helping thousands of couples, we discovered something insane that literally no one else is talking about. We call it our PATH process and the first step is uncovering the root issues why your spouse wants out so that they are naturally drawn to want to be with you again. From there, we open up deep, meaningful communication so you build respect and connection again. After that, we ensure that trust is restored fully so you both feel safe and secure in the relationship. When this is achieved, we deepen the connection so you both see yourselves happy together again.
When people work with us and really commit to the process, they see real results in their lives. We aren’t about fluff or hyper inflated promises. Because we’ve been through real challenges in our lives and marriages, we get it. My hope is that every person I meet comes away a little bit better for having met me.
I hope to be a light in this world and I’m grateful for all the bright lights in my life.
FWM: Please share a few client stories.
Most of our client’s spouses have a story similar to what our client, Leah’s husband did. He said she didn’t support him emotionally and so justified having an affair, leaving her and their newborn son… After going through our PATH process, he has left his affair partner and they both say their marriage is happier and better than it ever was before and now they have 3 children together.
FWM: You are an international speaker. What topics will you be sharing this year?
This year, I plan to do a TEDx talk on how to radical surrender what we want so we can have it all. I will also be speaking at several women’s conferences and events. I LOVE speaking and sharing messages that uplift and inspire others so we can all become a little better together.
FWM: Tell us about your podcast and what we can expect in the upcoming months.
We have some exciting topics we’ve been asked to cover by our students and audience in our Thriving Marriage podcast including how to stop an affair for good, dealing with mid-life crisis, restoring trust and having deep, meaningful communication.
I’d love to connect with you!
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/heather.choate.16http://www.heatherchoate.com
