Katherine Sellery, CEO and Founder of Conscious Parenting Revolution, helps individuals minimize misunderstandings and melt-downs in order to communicate with more collaboration, cooperation, and consideration.
Katherine is the creator of the Guidance Approach to Parenting, a program that applies conflict resolution skills to communicating more effectively with children, She has positively influenced relationships for generations and brought about healing and reconciliation in families that were suffering from disconnection. For over 20 years, she has taught and coached thousands of parents, educators, social workers, and medical professionals in half a dozen countries through her popular workshops, coaching programs, TEDx talks, 250 page comprehensive training manual, and E-book. Katherine is also a trained mediator, attended Law School, has certifications in different trauma models, teaches a breathing meditation modality with the Art of Living Foundation, and ran her own commodities-trading business in Hong Kong for 30 years.
FWM: For over 20 years, you have taught and coached thousands of parents, educators, social workers, and medical professionals. When did your passion for helping families with communication begin?
When we started having our kids, I realized how much of my own suffering and internal conflict that I was still experiencing as an adult, stemmed from the communication patterns within my family of origin. I didn’t want to have any of that carrying forward into this next generation, the precious family that I was creating. The only way to succeed was to bring new skills and dynamics that set my children free to be true to their inner drummers without concern for making me or their dad “happy” and “fulfilled”. Explicitly letting our kids know that we were wholly responsible for our own feelings and no one else “made us feel” is a game-changer in a family that routinely blamed others for their experience (a failure to differentiate between the catalyst and the cause of how one felt). Clarity about just this one distinction would have changed my entire life. No more blurred boundaries, false fronts, pretending everything is okay if it’s not, fear of disappointing parents or of their responses. A healthy family culture free of entanglement and enmeshment that gave our kids the ability to be considerate of other’s feelings and needs but not at the expense of their own. A culture of fear, obedience and compliance would not prevail in my kids’ upbringing. The buck stopped with me.
FWM: You are one of the creators of the Guidance Approach to Parenting. How is this program helping parents to communicate more effectively with their children?
Children Are People Too and the cornerstones of the Guidance Approach to Parenting acknowledges this truth with the following tenets:
(1) Allow children to separate and individuate without labeling these efforts disrespectful. Since their attempts to do so will likely push up against adults unconscious bias’ that children are to be “seen and not heard” and to be “obedient and compliant” – bias’ that formed in our own childhoods when we were made to feel wrong or bad for having had these same desires.
(2) Children are People Too – actively stop the ageism that marginalizes children’s experiences and recognize your being triggered by children’s objections to power and control is because you as the child were not allowed to object and therefore your children’s objections catalyze your own wounding
(3) Know what is developmentally appropriate to expect (which means your current expectations may be wildly off from what is appropriate to expect from them based on developmental norms) and communicate your expectations clearly and welcome your children’s perspectives and have the skills to toggle between your expectations and their feelings and needs that may arise from these expectation
(4) Even if you don’t agree with your children’s perspective, acknowledge their perspective by reflecting it back to them and checking in with them that you have got their perspective correctly (some adults may find this very challenging as it does require looking on your child with a level of consideration and respect never afforded you).
(5) Abandon the use of consequences completely, it is a terrible way to evoke changes in the behaviors of children that you want to see changed and instead it is guaranteed to create the 3R’s (retaliation, rebellion and resistance)
(6) Know that teaching children to be obedient and compliant to power is dangerous.
(7) Do not confuse children’s lapses in self-control as “the problem”, it is not, it is the symptom, also referred to as the “tragic expression of the unmet needs”.
(8) When children are drowning in overwhelm, they won’t know how to do that politely.
(9) Stop punishing children for not being able to drown politely.
(10) Stop conditioning your love, support, compassion and guidance on whether or not your children are able to mask their pain, overwhelm and dysregulation with smiling, happy and polite expressions – this is a type of abuse to require this.
(11) Teach your children to regulate their emotions by learning how to express their feelings (name it to tame it) and the unmet needs from which their feelings have arisen.
(12) Your love, compassion and connection will always work because psychological safety trumps fear and dependence every day.
FWM: As the Founder of Conscious Parenting Revolution, what are some of the recurring themes with parents and children today?
Unwittingly parents have created retaliation, rebellion and resistance in the dynamics with their children. They yearn for the closeness and warmth again and to regain their positions of influence. To name a few: Kids talk back, turn a deaf ear, won’t willingly cooperate (pick up after themselves, share in the family chores, do their homework, join in family game night, respond honestly). I get to empower parents with the skills to get rehired if they are fired and to play the role in their kid’s lives that they’d hoped for all along.
FWM: Tell us about your new series, Conscious Parenting. Is Parenting the New Generation Hard?
YES! Most parents today didn’t have all the screens and devices their kids have, there was no internet when they were growing up, neuro diversity was taboo, talking about sexual identification was taboo, learning differences wasn’t talked about or if it was it made parents feel ashamed, so much of what parents are dealing with today they haven’t even got lived experience to draw on!!
FWM: When parents run out of answers… This show has your back. Tell us what we can find at Conscious Parenting and what makes it unique.
It is unique because a show like this has never been done before! It is time parents aren’t so alone. We all need a hand to deal with the complexities of the issues parents face today from- gender, to the influence of social media, bullying, drugs, neuro diversity, not listening, talking back, ditching class, disruptions in the classroom, sexual behavior, and all the other behaviors!
FWM: Tell us about the show.
Each episode I will work with a family in real time facing their struggles together with a co-host from a different ethnic background along with authors and subject matter experts from the World Health Organization so we can support helpful changes! Viewers will have the opportunity to observe the magic as it unfolds.
FWM: You are bringing celebrities to the program. Why is this important?
To see that we all face the same challenges!
FWM: What is your aim for the show?
To laugh and to cry and experience our deep humanity. Amid the diversity we all belong to one another.
FWM: Are you looking for sponsors?
YES! In this age of increasing polarization this stage is for everyone to gather with curiosity, wonder and open heartedness. To be a part of a solution for uplifting all families – any brand who wants to be aligned with this message will be our partners.
FWM: Please share your social media.
https://consciousparentingrevolution.com/
https://www.instagram.com/katherinewintersellery/
https://www.youtube.com/@consciousparentingrevolution
https://www.linkedin.com/in/katherine-sellery/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/consciousparentingrevolution (this is our private facebook group for parents to join who want to be part of a kind, compassionate and supportive community)
https://www.facebook.com/katherine.wintersellery/
https://www.facebook.com/consciousparentingrevolution/
