LeTisha Jackson’s “Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses” boldly tells why the mistress continues to be a problem – because our perspectives haven’t changed even though there’s been a significant change in the mistress dynamic.
Jackson says mistresses of 2021 know what mistresses of times past did not – that they hold all the power in adulterous relationships. Due to this shift, the issue is no longer about the spouse-to-spouse betrayal, but is now about the “woman to woman” betrayal.
FWM: LeTisha, take us back to dreams and desires.
I’m originally from Detroit, MI, where I was a serious self-professed pageant girl, as well as a model. My love of the spotlight moved me to catch a 3-day Greyhound bus ride to Los Angeles CA in 1996. Things were going well for me out there, but then I fell in love. And that, as they say, is history.
FWM: What led you to believe your husband was cheating?
Unfortunately it was the typical signs – not answering his phone, coming home extremely late at night (sometimes not at all). And as I mention in the book…funny smells emanating from him. Yep…gross! But none of those signs was as telling as that internal sense that told me he was up to no good.
FWM: How important is loyalty to you?
Loyalty means everything to me. That can mean loyalty in my personal/intimate relationship. Loyalty with a female acquaintance/friend. Even loyalty to oneself, which I wish I had practiced back in the time of my marriage. If I had been more loyal to myself, there probably wouldn’t be a book.
FWM: What was the impact of his infidelity?
The impact branched out in different directions. First, there are almost not descriptive enough words to describe the pain I felt. My heart physically ached in my chest. I could barely go a minute without bursting in tears. With the exception of dragging myself to work (which was in bridal at the time…yikes), I isolated myself because I knew that everyone in our little city knew what he was doing – so add to that utter humiliation and embarrassment. There were many times where I wanted to swallow a bunch of my prescription medications just to end the pain. I hurt so bad I could barely breath at times.
There was also the initial impact of hating women and deciding that all women were deceitful and selfish. Let me reiterate that that was an initial reaction. It didn’t take me long to change my thoughts and feelings on that because I realized that I was not a deceitful and selfish person, therefore I couldn’t put all women in that stereotypical place.
Lastly, the impact of his infidelity is that I’ve now been a single, non-dating celibate woman of almost 11-years. I have no desire to ever date or be intimate again. Please don’t mistake that for being lonely or unhappy. I have never been happier or more fulfilled in my entire adult life!
FWM: When you confronted the mistress, “Woman to Woman” how did this set the stage for your book?
Well, that’s actually a big reveal in the book. But I can tell you that as our conversation was ending, I was returning to my car. She asked me if she could say something one last thing. I obliged, and what she said to me left me feeling like I was in a bizarro world. She said… “woman to woman, I just want you to know…” and instead of those words being followed up with words of sympathy, as one might expect, what she said confused me and broke my heart. How she could say what she said made me instantly aware of the problem between women as a whole. When I got home a couple hours later I documented her words in a notebook and before I realized it, I had pages and pages of notes and was in the beginning stages of writing my book.
The context under which she used those words “woman to woman” let me know just how far from compassion, Girl Code and loyalty we were/are, as women.
USA Today best-selling author, Kecia Bal, wrote the Foreword for “Woman to Woman” and states: “‘Woman to Woman’ is a great read! It’s engaging and assumption challenging…It’s refreshing, interesting—and such a poignant message. This is a beautiful read…LeTisha makes a strong argument and backs it up.”
FWM: What surprised you the most about her?
What I learned about her after she said what she said following those words “woman to woman, I want you to know…”
What also surprised me was she spoke to me with zero thought for who I was…her “man’s” wife. When I asked her at the door if my husband was living there, she answered with a slight enthusiasm, with a sense of pride and as if she were telling it to a friend of hers. She displayed no remorse, no empathy and as if she had no understanding of the pain she was inflicting.
I was surprised to find out that a woman could be so heartless.
FWM: Why did you choose letters as a way of driving home the point of the reckless damage that is done by infidelity?
Writing is cathartic. It’s a form of communication that not only impacts a reader but even more so the writer. Part of what I want to happen when women read my book is for them to see themselves either in me, the other wives and/or the mistresses. If they can put themselves in one or all of our shoes, then those feelings of compassion we’re missing in our “woman to woman” dynamic will begin to help us build toward that key missing element of loyalty within our community.
For the wives, I knew asking them to write letters speaking directly to the woman who got involved with their husbands, would be a part of their personal healing. Anytime we can express feelings we’ve felt forced to internalize, healing is an assured result.
For the mistresses, I hoped having them write down and being forced to read and re-read their own words might make them question if that’s truly who they want to be – if being a part of tearing apart another woman’s family was truly something they wanted to contribute to. My hope was that their own words would spark up some compassion and force them to truly examine what they were saying to the wife…another woman…their sister.
“Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta” star Mimi Faust says: “Woman to Woman” is “compelling and hard to put down.”
FWM: “There is a shift from husband to a wife betrayal to women to women betrayal.” Explain
Mistresses today know what mistresses of times past didn’t, which is that THEY, the mistresses, hold all the power in these illicit affairs! And because that dynamic has changed, I believe our perspectives have to change as well.The acknowledgment of this new dynamic means that these women now must take FULL, 100% responsibility for their destructive choice to knowingly hurt and tear apart another woman’s family. Knowing they hold all the power means they’re fully aware of their contributions to tearing women down. Knowing that they are now being held fully responsible for their part in betraying another woman, I hope, will now change the “woman to woman” dynamic as mistresses realize the damage they’re doing. They can no longer separate themselves from the responsibility of keeping our sisterhood fractured. It is not a 50/50 shared responsibility. The husband is 100% responsible for his choice and a mistress is 100% responsible for her choice!
Award-winning Journalist Bridget Smith states: “Outstanding book!…’Woman to Woman’ is a freshly written exploration into the painful, and powerful impact of deception. Most importantly, this work examines the dynamic relationship women play in each other’s lives…”
FWM: Is Sisterhood a façade?
I do find that the face of sisterhood we hold up for the world to see is a façade on some levels . We call each other Queen, sister and sis but we continue to display a “convenience-based” loyalty toward one another. I define this as a loyalty we demonstrate towards one another, or towards sisterhood, but only when it’s convenient and benefits us as individuals.
As I say in the book, “we will come together to support each other’s civil rights. We will come together to protect each others reproductive rights. We will even come together to protect each other’s children. But, when it comes to a man we forget to protect each other’s heart.”
Please don’t misunderstood. I’m not saying there are no loyal females or authentic female friendships; I just think as a whole we’re more apt to give one another the side-eye of suspicion before we’ll give each other the benefit of the doubt.
FWM: What have you learned about mistresses during this journey?
2 things. I’ve learned the unfortunate reality that there are just some women who don’t care about anyone but themselves. Girl Code and sisterhood have no place or meaning in their lives. Readers will see that by a few of the real-life letter’s mistresses submitted for my book.
I’ve also learned there are more mistresses that do in fact feel remorse than those who don’t. And that’s exactly why my book is so important. I want to elicit compassion from those women who don’t appear to care about what they’re doing to another woman. “Letters from Wives to Mistresses” puts the hurt in the mistresses’ face and forces them to see the wife as a real person. Too many mistresses are able to compartmentalize the wife and convince themselves that she’s not an issue, or treat her as if she’s not a person with real feelings. My book is going to change that.
R & B Singer and star of “Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood” Teairra Marisays: “Hunni…go pick this book up!”
FWM: Tell us about your Club House app, LeTisha Jackson, Women to Women.
The Clubhouse App isn’t mine…I wish! LOL! But what it is is a very different social media app that is audio-based only. People who download the app can find topics they’re interested in and then go into those different chat “rooms” and listen to the person who created that room, speak on that topic – many times there is a panel of speakers. The listeners can “raise their hand” and make a verbal comment in that room; everyone in the room can hear the comments. This app gives all of us never before had access to some of our favorite celebrities. Even Oprah Winfrey is on the app!
My topics will always be woman-based, sisterhood-based, reality-based, authentic and true to who I am and what I’m going to accomplish, which is a “Sisterhood Revolution!”
FWM: Share your vision for your book. Who is this book for?
I wrote “Woman to Woman” about women and for women only. I want it to be read by my sisters around the world because sisterhood is not limited only to the United States. I want all women to connect with the unfiltered truths I, the wives and the mistresses share in this book. I will be part of the solution in healing our fractured sisterhood, but I also know I can’t do it alone. There is a need for all women to do some introspection to see if we’re part of the problem within our sisterhood, and if we are, then work at becoming part of the solution.
“Woman to Woman” is infidelity focused, but my overall theme of healing our fractured sisterhood is not related only to this topic. If any of us has an inherit distrust or dislike of other women, then we have to make sure what we don’t like in other women is not more of a reflection or projection of the faults we possess.
Please share your social media.
Website: www.letishajackson.com
IG: @letishasjackson
Clubhouse App: @letishasjackson
Twitter: @AuthorYay
