Marie Alessi has chosen to dedicate her journey to interrupting the stigma of grief. After losing her husband to a brain aneurysm, she founded the Movement “Loving Life after Loss” and now inspires others in processing their loss, by being a shining example of choosing Love over falling apart. “Loving Life after Loss” is an Amazon No #1 Bestseller and ranked Top 100 in Australia overnight.
FWM: “Loving Life after Loss” share your story.
My husband and I were in the prime of our lives. We had made most of our dreams come true, our barefoot wedding at the beach, a lovely home on the outskirt of Sydney, close to the beach where we got married, two gorgeous healthy boys – our life felt complete… until one day Rob went on a business trip and didn’t come home. When I received the phone call from Coroners, it felt like a needle scratching over the record player whilst playing our favorite happy song. I remember the numbness when I heard the news. I remember sharing them with our two boys who were only 10 and eight at the time. And I remember answering my son’s question “Who will take care of us now, Mum?” with “I will!”. Those two words were significant, more than I knew at the time. It was important I spoke them out loud – and I said it again “I will take care of you!”. Rob and I had promised that if something was ever to happen to us, to create the happiest life possible for the boys. A promise that was theory at the time, but nevertheless heartfelt and honest. That’s what you do when you love someone so much – you want them to be happy.
I could tell that my approach to life and dealing with our adversity was one full of hope, Love and determination. People didn’t know how to react to my happiness. It didn’t come easy, but it was a clear choice; my only focus; and a great start into healing… About 4 months after the funeral I decided to write a book about our story. It was more like a Love legacy I wanted to leave for Rob. Little did I expect that over night my book didn’t just become a no.1 Amazon Bestseller, it also ranked in the top 100 of Australia! I’d say this was the seed planted for founding my Movement with the same title about 5 months later… I felt I had something the world needed!
FWM: Share a memory of Rob.
Ahw, where to start?! I have never met a person who didn’t just love Rob. He loved spending time at the beach – an aquarius through & through! Water was his life; snorkeling, diving, spearfishing, surfing – you name it. Family always came first for Rob. He adored us – he always put me on a pedestal and never missed a chance to rave about me or talk fondly about our boys. I loved watching Rob in the surf with our boys – the trust they had in him, taking them into the biggest waves, always warmed my heart.
We were “that couple”. I remember our very last phone conversation. Rob had just flown to the other side of Australia, worked the whole day and went out for a meal. Needless to say he was beyond tired. He told me he was lining up to get seated and met this couple. One was from Perth, the other from Treviso, Italy, which is Rob’s dad’s hometown. They invited Rob to sit with him; and all night they chatted about Love and relationships.
He told me “I think I left them with a lot to think about, I feel I made quite a difference to their relationship!”. I responded “I’m so proud of you babe, I love you!” “I love you too babe, chat tomorrow!”
FWM: How have you loved life after your loss?
The first couple of weeks I slipped into functioning mode. There was sooo much paperwork, endless phone conversations – and of course our boys to look after. There was a moment when I was standing in my kitchen and I started singing “Love is in the air…”. Before Rob passed I sang a lot. Whenever I’m happy, I sing. You say a line, I sing. It’s ingrained [laughs]. Ask my boys, they can tell you! But this very moment was different. It was the first time I heard myself sing again, and instantly my voice left me. I remember that very moment thinking to myself “don’t give up happiness, do it, on purpose!” …and I sang “…everywhere I look around!” Ok, it was definitely not an audience-worthy performance, but that moment, continuing the song, was a reflection of what I did with our lives. I made a conscious choice. Rob had taught me the concept of two choices – and boy did I use it over and over again in our healing journey! It is important that we focus on the little things – as we all know, they often turn out to be the biggest things in hindsight!
FWM: Are there hidden gifts in adversity?
Yes. Always. We sometimes don’t see them straight away, but they are always there. In my case, it was an incredible strength and intuition that carried me through and took me to heights I had never imagined. In my most intense times, I always felt looked after – and I am not saying that as a cliché. I felt guided; the right people seemed to always be there for me at the right time. Yet I also learned to reach out, ask for help, speak my truth – and be vulnerable. I often discovered the biggest gift within my vulnerability – I shared a lot. In particular once I started my movement; and the amount of times when I wondered whether I should’ve shared, I received the most beautiful feedback, how important and sometimes even life-changing this was for someone to hear. The movement itself is an incredible gift in our adversity – and the feedback from my kids is heartwarming.
FWM: Take us through the Movement, Blank Canvas, and The Retreat.
I have to admit, founding the movement was like jumping off a cliff and growing wings on the way down. Sure I had a little doubt, my mind was processing a number of “what if” questions, yet my heart knew that I had something the world needed. And you always have to listen to your heart, right?
I needed to create a place that I would’ve needed after Rob passed. Most grief “support” groups seemed to support the suffering more than the healing. It keeps people stuck in pain and unfortunately often displays competition around whose loss is fresher, whose husband or baby was younger – it was appalling and sad to see how there was little hope.
So I created a place that promoted and supported healing actively. The name now also functioned as a filter and call to action: “Loving Life after Loss”.
I started offering healing journeys, simply to offer tools and shifts in perspective that would help people get unstuck from their deepest pain. My background is Mindset Coaching, so it was the perfect combination, with my own personal experience, to understand where people are coming from and what to do to help them heal. I soon started developing programs to shift beyond these first steps, and then hosted my first retreat in November 2020.
The movement has meanwhile gained thousands of members from around the globe, all united to find hope, happiness & healing. My latest development is the “Blank Canvas” program. I felt the need to offer something for people who had reached a certain point in healing, yet didn’t know how to cross that “what’s next?” bridge. I had a conversation at the beginning of this year, how adversity is like a blank canvas – and within a day I wrote the entire outline of the program; 8 weeks through healing into creation. The outcome is incredible every single time and so humbling to witness. The Blank Canvas runs every 2-3 months.
FWM: What have you learned about yourself as a result?
To be vulnerable! And the more I am, the stronger I feel – it’s almost a paradox. Yet it also makes you almost invincible.
It has certainly proven a lesson I had learned at 20, when my dad passed at the age of 46: to never take life for granted and always tell people what you feel.
See, that was another gift in adversity – as it has given me a life of no regrets with my husband. We never left anything unsaid and I feel truly blessed to not have been left behind with a whole list of “I wish I hads”.
And last but not least how much I can trust my intuition – it has been invaluable on my path to creating and leading this movement, whilst being a Mum to my incredible two boys.
FWM: The Retreat is 3.5 days filled with healing. Share the experience with us.
For me, it is the absolute highlight of the year, a very sacred experience. The trust people put in me truly honours me.
We start off Thursday night with a meet & greet over a glass of bubbly and a nice grazing platter to get to know each other. From Friday morning till Sunday afternoon my guests are treated like the VIP they are to me. The healing goes deep, on a soul level, with various exercises designed to connect to their roots, feel grounded again and rebuild their trust in life. The connections made at these retreats often form valuable friendships and support networks for life!
One of my favourite highlights is the fire ceremony. And there is always a special surprise at the end.
Our next retreat is planned for the end of the year (so Covid allows).
FWM: Your book, “Loving Life after Loss” is an Amazon No #1 Bestseller and ranked Top 100 in Australia overnight. Share key points that people will find in your book.
My book really is a Love legacy for Rob. I share our story, how we met, fell in Love and created our dream life. And then of course about Rob’s passing and how we dealt with it. It is designed to show people that there is a different way to grieve to what society teaches or expects from us.
I’d love to share an epiphany I once had, sitting in front of our fireplace, about abundance:
“The concept of abundance is when giving and receiving are not only balancing, they are dancing with each other, creating a spiralling effect that draws more and more into its whirlwind of happiness and contentment; this is not created from wanting more in life, it is created from wanting to give more in life. What you get is an everlasting spiral that leaves your cup overflowing on a continuous basis, effortlessly.”
You can find my book on Amazon as ebook or paperback: https://www.amazon.com.au/Loving-Life-after-Marie-Alessi-ebook/dp/B07KHXQ6V3
FWM: Tell us about your support 24/7 group.
I am pleased to say I have a team of moderators from around the world, so people are always looked after. They call themselves the “Mod Squad” and I am so proud of the Love and support we all spread in this group. The focus in our movement is on healing – you won’t find any memes suggesting that “Life won’t ever get better or back to normal”. All you will find is people sharing honestly and everyone supporting each other. I also frequently reach out to people when something stands out for me, I check in daily and make sure that people feel the Love. Every week I kick off with encouraging topics to unpack and share to inspire people. And most weeks I interview people in my #UpspiralGrief series. Both are live streamed into the group and also to be found on my YouTube channel or as podcast. There is also daily support in the form of “Sparks of Joy” (3-5 lines max) you can subscribe to.
You can join the group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LovingLifeAfterLoss
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The best place to start is https://www.mariealessi.com – you will find all links to my book, YouTube channel, podcast, Sparks of Joy as well as information about the healing journey “From Grief to Relief”, the “Blank Canvas” and the Retreat. You can also get in touch with me by booking a quick chat.
Follow us on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/loving.life.after.loss/
