Growing up we all heard romanticized stories of dashing men in armor riding through town to save the day and catching the eye of a heroine in distress. Once their eyes met it was instant attraction and all of her days of worry, stress and work were over. Ha! That is a fair tale for most and I will go toe-to-toe with anyone who tries to convince me differently.
Having seen my fair share of self-sabotage and procrastination amongst women with potential, I decided it was time to share some thoughts on the notion that someone is coming to save you.
Here’s the problem with waiting on someone to save you. Inherent in this frame of thought is that you don’t believe you have what it takes to create your own best life. You don’t really believe that what God placed inside of you is enough. So, you’re searching for outside, external stimuli to make you whole.
In so doing, you will never experience the joy of accomplishing a rescue of your own because you are too focused on being the rescued. Waiting for someone else to save you from your current reality amounts to giving control of your life to another person. You don’t need saving, you need a mindset shift and a purpose.
Listen. No one is coming to save you.
You better save yourself!
That said, I want to specifically address women who know an opportunity is for them but they won’t raise their hand. I will also break down 4 reasons they hesitate and the price they pay for the inaction. Finally, I will share ways to recover (You know I have to put a band-aid on the wound! Ouch!).
Signs you’re waiting on someone to save you
- You’re constantly looking for someone to make it all better
- You play the lottery in hopes that it will take away all of your problems
- You practice negative self-talk
- You think that someday a person will come along and pull you out of the funk that you are in
- You doubt yourself
- You see more in others than you see in yourself
- You don’t take risks nor seek opportunities
- You wait for money to appear before your accept an opportunity
4 reasons you hesitate
You’re afraid of your greatness
On the ladder to success (and we all know that definition varies from person to person) many fear, not the money, but the results and consequences of making a lot money. This fear is often ingrained in us in childhood. There is actually a term for it called Achievemephobia, and it is a very real phobia experienced by many. It can cause you to sabotage your career, business and relationships to keep you prisoner in your current situation.
I have discovered that action moves God and God moves people.
There is no doubt that fear of success holds more women back than fear of failure. Many sabotage their own success because they are scared of what will be different if they do really succeed. They begin to ask themselves questions such as:
Was I really good enough to sustain this success?
Would I like the person I become?
Would this change me?
Could I handle the pressure?
Would my family treat me differently?
And this is real. If you were ever mocked as a child for sharing your successes, you were being trained to keep your head down and dim your light. You were being trained to play it safe and keep quiet. You now associate success with pain. This has to be untaught. You now need to be around women who celebrate you without a second of thought.
This is also an example of self-discovery and shines a bright light on why women who are looking to uplevel must practice mindfulness and take time to think about their thinking on a consistent basis.
You’re not used to making decisions
So, this one is a biggie. If you’re from a risk-adverse family or you are in a marriage where your spouse makes all the decisions, you may not be the most adept at making calls and decisions. There is a certain amount of stress that comes with making decisions and, if you’re not used to doing so, it can take you for a loop. You may tend to become paralyzed with fear of making the wrong decision. So, what you do instead is avoid making any decisions altogether.
Of course, we all like to know what lies ahead and what is to come. And a decision often leads to change, and that change can be daunting because it’s unpredictable. But the interesting thing in not making a decision is that you ARE making a decision…are you not? Learn to embrace discomfort until it becomes a norm.
You doubt yourself or lack confidence
One of the biggest roadblocks to success and evolution is a lack of confidence. Others see your potential to be amazing but you convince yourself that others are smarter, more capable, more attractive, more talented, and on and on. And you self-sabotage.
Sometimes you talk down about yourself so much that others begin to believe you. You simply lack the confidence to step up to the plate but that can change. Here’s the thing…action, doing, movement, risk-taking are what build your self-efficacy which, in turn, builds your self-confidence.
You’re too comfortable
“Comfort is where it’s at!” Right? I mean, who doesn’t like the cozy feeling of a warm blanket and fuzzy socks when it’s cold outside? And, let’s keep it real… the journey to success can be quite frigid. Nevertheless, all successful women have learned to embrace the comfort in discomfort. You see, being uncomfortable is par for the course.
…the money and resources come after you sign the contract, after you take action, after you say yes. Never before.
The most common excuse I hear from women who want to up-level is “I don’t have the money” or “I can’t afford this or that”. This never ceases to amaze me. But it reflects a mindset shift that hasn’t yet taken place. The thing they aren’t yet getting is that the money and resources come after you sign the contract, after you take action, after you say yes. Never before.
(And brace yourself because I am a believer in manifesting and faith, but…) God has no reason to put money in your hands or to send people with the skills you need for an opportunity you haven’t first said ‘YES’ to! You haven’t even shown that you believe enough in yourself to warrant such assistance. So, why should He release it?
Why do we expect others to invest in us when we won’t?
I remember having an opportunity I wanted to be a part of. And I legit did not have the money to get started. Instead of saying no to the opportunity, I decided to hold a yard sale. I figured I could use what was in my hand. I raised enough in that yard sale to fund my opportunity and put away a few thousand in my savings.
What that experience did for me was, it released me from the notion that I didn’t have what it takes to be in that new world (up-level). It showed me my strength and wherewithal; and it reinforced this idea that there is no such thing as a lack of money, only a lack of ideas. From that time since, I have never allowed money to be an obstacle between me and and what I want. I have discovered that action moves God and God moves people.
The more uncomfortable you are, the more you experience growth and momentum…and bonafide confidence!
You don’t need saving, you need a mindset shift and a purpose.
Dr. Shekina Farr Moore
The price you pay for the disobedience
Delayed benefits
You may think that your inactivity and failure to discover and /or engage in your purpose is no big deal. You may have convinced yourself that it has no impact on others but the truth is you are a servant leader. You are only here because you have a unique purpose and those called to you are looking for your light. Those you’re called to are suffering because of your absenteeism.
This means it is time for you to rise to the occasion and to own your greatness. Yes, the days of hiding behind your excuses and your reasons are costing you and others. And the benefits of serving (including a longer life span, stress relief, increased happiness and more) are being delayed because of your inaction (AKA disobedience).
Unfulfillment
If you’re still feeling unfulfilled it means you are miserable and likely stuck in a job and/or relationship you hate. This means you probably haven’t tried enough, explored enough, nor failed enough to find your one thing, your garden. When you’re serious about living a happier and more fulfilled life, make a plan and put it on paper. Manifestation will come.
And the good news is it’s never too late to try new things, to meet new people, to take more chances, and to do more things that excite you until you find your sweet spot.
Even so, knowledge is one thing, action is another. There will be times when your actions won’t yield the results you want, but the goal is to keep going up to bat. It will give you energy, the joy of operating in your garden. Don’t allow anyone or anything to stop you from pursuing your purpose. Set your own path and define your own success. And don’t you dare leave this earth having not fulfilled your potential.
Ways to recover after complacency
So, by now you’re saying ouch and you probably don’t like me. Look, don’t shoot the messenger. I was once there and I get it. We all need a wake-up call from time to time to jolt us back into our goddess realm. I’m no different. But hear me, and hear me clearly. You were designed to create, to have dominion and to incubate and nurture. And I’m not talking about a child. I’m talking about your baby, your purpose.
Yep. You’re clearly guilty because you’re still reading, so let’s get down to what you really want to know, and that’s “How do I recover? How do I save myself?”
I’m glad you asked. Here goes…
- Work out!
- Journal and track ways you avoid success on paper.
- Face your fears by taking on one new challenge that scares you a month.
- Seek counseling with a cognitive behavioral therapist or counselor.
- Surround yourself with women going in the same direction you want to go.
- Practice mindfulness.
- Set three new goals and map out how you will get there.
- Stop apologizing!
- Declutter your space!
- Run toward your greatest fear!
